How to revive her sex drive . Loss of sex drive is just about the most common sexual problem among women. There's no one cause but it is usually possible to work out the underlying factors and make some changes to help you start enjoying your love life once again.
One obvious question for a woman who's gone off sex to ask herself is: was your sex life ever very good?
Sometimes when women first get involved in a relationship they are so thrilled to be in love, settling down and perhaps having children, that they don't stop to question the quality of the love-making.
But after a few years have gone by, they find they have no great desire to have sex, and it's basically because they haven't been getting that much out of the experience.
It could be that you and your partner never actually discovered what would really turn you on and bring you satisfaction.
There is still a lot of misunderstanding about women's sexuality. For example, more women reach climax through oral or manual simulation than through intercourse. My free leaflets or e-mail fact sheets How To Have Great Sex and Women and Orgasm will help if this is part of problem.
Or it could be that you used to share a great sex life but your partner started rather taking it all for granted, stopped bothering to get you really aroused. This can happen once you stop dating and set up home together, for example.
Or your partner may have started taking you for granted in other ways. Our sex drive doesn't operate in isolation. Loss of sex drive is very often a symptom of more general problems.
Perhaps you feel your partner leaves too much of the household chores and childcare to fall on your shoulders.
So many women these days are still expected to run the home as well as having a paid job. You should have equal leisure time with your partner. Quite often all a woman needs to regain her sex drive is more relaxation and consideration.
Do a deal with your partner that at least one evening a week, he gets the kids off to bed, washes up and so on, while you put your feet up or have a lazy bath.
Then you spend the evening together, perhaps sharing some all-over body massage, or taking a bottle of wine to bed, or whatever takes your fancy. Get back into the fun of having dates together.
It often helps to agree that you won't actually have intercourse for, say, a month, but will kiss, cuddle and caress, touch, make love in every other way, to get the hormones and the imagination going again. It has a real tonic effect, and you can give each other satisfaction in other ways if you want.
If you are at such loggerheads that trying this feels impossible, then you probably have more deep-seated problems you need to be looking at.
If there is serious tension between you, and you can't sort it out by talking it over together, do get the help of a Relate counsellor
It could be that your partner has had an affair, or you've suffered a bereavement, or were abused when younger. As I've said, we can't separate out our sex life from our overall emotional well-being, but the right sort of help can make a tremendous difference.
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