As told to Nancy Rones
It was no surprise to anyone when I chose nursing for a career. Nurturing others was always part of my personality. Even as a little girl, I helped my mother take care of my younger brother and sister as well as my grandparents. As a neurosurgery nurse, I often work with people who need brain or spinal surgery because of aneurysms or tumors. I love my job, and I didn't want to completely give it up after my first child, Caroline, was born eight years ago. I'd worked hard and built a great relationship with the doctor I assisted at the neurosurgery practice, so I felt it was worth a shot to request a three-day workweek. I figured that my mother or sister could watch Caroline while I was at work. Thankfully, my supervisors went for it. Another nurse took my calls on the days I was out, but otherwise, I accomplished my original responsibilities — from gathering medical histories to answering patient questions — during my days in the office.
In March 2005, Connor was born, and everything changed. He had Down syndrome, and soon my days were filled with meetings with his caseworker, evaluations, and therapy sessions. Those were dark times. With the doctors' bills piling up, my husband, Kevin, a fireman with 24-hour shifts, continued working full force, so I couldn't imagine managing everything at home and going back to work.
When Connor was 3 months old, the two of us visited the office. I received a warm welcome from coworkers, and when the doctor I worked for asked if I was coming back, I cried. I wanted to go back to work. Not only would it help us financially, but I also needed to get out of my mental rut. I was consumed with Down syndrome and making sure that Connor was getting the attention he needed. Getting back into the world and being around my work friends would lift me up so I could feel more energetic with my kids and hopefully smile more.
So Kevin and I sat down with his schedule, which he gets a year in advance, and we realized that he could watch the kids on Tuesdays and Thursdays. Every fourth month, his 24-hour shifts would conflict with my days at the office, so my sister or mom would watch the kids then. Those nights would be tough, since I'd work, then tackle the evening and morning routines with the kids by myself. But it was worth it to find some normalcy. My office agreed to the two-day workweek.
Now that the kids are older — Connor is 5 and Caroline is 7 — they have traditional school hours, and I can manage a four-day work schedule. Two days I'm in the office, and the other two I'm at home answering a triage phone line and taking calls for the doctor I assist. My schedule is structured, but I still have breakdowns. Sometimes Kevin is away for a special rescue squad he's on and I have to switch my workdays around. Then there was the time when a meeting about Connor's transition into the public school system fell on a workday morning. I listened as strangers told me all the things Connor wasn't able to do, and then I cried all the way to work.
While nursing has helped me as a mom — I know what to do when my kids are sick — having Connor has made me a more compassionate nurse. I know what it's like to get a diagnosis and then, with a broken heart, juggle therapies, insurance issues, stress, and searching for the best care. I get calling the nurse more than once for reassurance. Being the patient has made me a better nurse.
1. I get support from others.
I was scared to go to a support group after Connor was born. I didn't know what to expect. But it was a relief to find other moms of kids with Down syndrome who knew what I was going through; they helped take away my fear. Now, with the stress of Connor mainstreaming into a regular kindergarten, I'll have these moms to lean on again.
2. I carve out time with my kids.
Fitting in big outings, like ice skating, is tough; I realized that spending special time with my kids could be easier. When Connor naps, I play cards with Caroline or draw pictures with her. On a day off, I might have lunch with Connor at school, where I volunteer. My sister gave me great advice. She said, "When you volunteer, pick jobs that allow your kids to actually see you." So I help out at the book fair, go on class field trips, or read a story in one of their classrooms. My kids' faces light up when they see me there.
3. I'm open to advice.
I appreciate when someone who knows me well points out something in my life that needs fixing. Last year, my sister told me I wasn't paying enough attention to Caroline because I was devoting so much time to Connor's needs. I was angry at first, but once she broke it all down, I knew she was right.
4. When I'm working, I give 100 percent.
I work my butt off: In one day, I can see more than 50 patients, and in between, I try to do prep work for upcoming days. I might come in a little early, and work through lunch. I'm mindful of what needs to get done by the end of the day — I don't want to leave extra work for the nurse who's covering me. This keeps everyone around the office feeling positive about my part-time status.
5. I put myself first sometimes.
With doing so much for everyone else, I felt like I was falling apart last year. I was always stressed and getting headaches. I told myself, If I want to be the best mom and wife I can be, I need to take care of myself. I started walking for exercise, which made me feel better. And monthly massages ease the tightness in my neck and shoulders and help me sleep. Some people think, That's such a luxury, but with my life, it's a necessity. ( msn.com )
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