Why do men marry again – and again? - As Sir Paul McCartney announces engagement, Lucy Cavendish wonders why men like to marry, again.
What makes men marry again? It’s not just Sir Paul McCartney, who is about to make American businesswoman Nancy Shevell his third wife. Rumours have it that John Cleese, whose last venture into holy matrimony cost him £12.3 million, is not averse to the idea of taking on a fourth wife in the much younger shape of jewellery designer Jennifer Wade. Then there is Earl Spencer, hardly a finisher in the “til death us to part” stakes, about to marry Karen Gordon, who will become the earl’s third girl. Is it the triumph of hope over reality? The proof that incurable romantics, often in the unlikeliest figures, are alive and well? Or is it that men just like to be married?
It is fair to say that men, generally, like to be looked after and that there are women who like looking after them. Many of them are simple souls with simple needs. They like to be fed, watered, stroked and, if that’s what a wife is going to do then, hey, why not get married again?
Sir Paul McCartney with Nancy Shevell, an American businesswoman he has been dating for four year
I went away recently for a week with my children, leaving my husband on his own. I didn’t make dinners for him and put them, labelled, in the fridge. He is a modern man, perfectly capable of cooking his own food. Yet within nanoseconds of me leaving, he’d been invited all over the place by well-meaning (generally female) neighbours. He had dinner at a different home in our village every night.
What on earth is that about? For a start, there is some idea that men are hopeless and can’t look after themselves, emotionally or practically. Everyone was concerned for my husband. How was he coping? Had it been my husband who had gone away, no one would have felt the need to look after me. Yet, still, there is some idea that men need looking after. On a deep level, I am sure this is why men marry again – even if their previous marriage has spectacularly foundered. Men like the idea of having a wife.
A wife is, in some ways, a possession. Someone who looks after things, makes thing work, keeps their man and others happy. Sir Paul McCartney who, when you count first girlfriend Jane Asher, has been a serial monogamist for over 50 years, may well be somewhat traditional in that sense.
A friend who is a divorce lawyer tells me that 90 per cent of women divorce their husband because they want to rediscover who they are. For men, however, it’s because they’ve met someone else. ''Men don’t have existential crises,’’ she says. ''They usually want out because they’ve met a woman, most often younger, who makes them feel excited and is nicer to them than their wives.’’
I know many friends who have separated. Years down the line, the women are still single. The men, however, shacked up with virtually the next woman they met.
Widowers of happy marriages, understandably, often wish to recreate their sunlit days. Iris Murdoch’s widower John Bayley married their mutual friend Audi Villers relatively soon after her death, as did Russ Lindsay, the former husband of television presenter Caron Keating, who married weather girl Sally Meen just two years after Caron’s death from breast cancer. There is nothing wrong with that. Who would want to deny anyone love and pleasurable companionship?
But why do men who have been badly burned – such as Sir Paul or Cleese – marry again? I hope it’s because of a deep-seated love. After all, how much nicer is it to grow old with another devoted person by your side? However I expect there’s an element of wanting dinner cooked, too ( telegraph.co.uk )
What makes men marry again? It’s not just Sir Paul McCartney, who is about to make American businesswoman Nancy Shevell his third wife. Rumours have it that John Cleese, whose last venture into holy matrimony cost him £12.3 million, is not averse to the idea of taking on a fourth wife in the much younger shape of jewellery designer Jennifer Wade. Then there is Earl Spencer, hardly a finisher in the “til death us to part” stakes, about to marry Karen Gordon, who will become the earl’s third girl. Is it the triumph of hope over reality? The proof that incurable romantics, often in the unlikeliest figures, are alive and well? Or is it that men just like to be married?
It is fair to say that men, generally, like to be looked after and that there are women who like looking after them. Many of them are simple souls with simple needs. They like to be fed, watered, stroked and, if that’s what a wife is going to do then, hey, why not get married again?
Sir Paul McCartney with Nancy Shevell, an American businesswoman he has been dating for four year
I went away recently for a week with my children, leaving my husband on his own. I didn’t make dinners for him and put them, labelled, in the fridge. He is a modern man, perfectly capable of cooking his own food. Yet within nanoseconds of me leaving, he’d been invited all over the place by well-meaning (generally female) neighbours. He had dinner at a different home in our village every night.
What on earth is that about? For a start, there is some idea that men are hopeless and can’t look after themselves, emotionally or practically. Everyone was concerned for my husband. How was he coping? Had it been my husband who had gone away, no one would have felt the need to look after me. Yet, still, there is some idea that men need looking after. On a deep level, I am sure this is why men marry again – even if their previous marriage has spectacularly foundered. Men like the idea of having a wife.
A wife is, in some ways, a possession. Someone who looks after things, makes thing work, keeps their man and others happy. Sir Paul McCartney who, when you count first girlfriend Jane Asher, has been a serial monogamist for over 50 years, may well be somewhat traditional in that sense.
A friend who is a divorce lawyer tells me that 90 per cent of women divorce their husband because they want to rediscover who they are. For men, however, it’s because they’ve met someone else. ''Men don’t have existential crises,’’ she says. ''They usually want out because they’ve met a woman, most often younger, who makes them feel excited and is nicer to them than their wives.’’
I know many friends who have separated. Years down the line, the women are still single. The men, however, shacked up with virtually the next woman they met.
Widowers of happy marriages, understandably, often wish to recreate their sunlit days. Iris Murdoch’s widower John Bayley married their mutual friend Audi Villers relatively soon after her death, as did Russ Lindsay, the former husband of television presenter Caron Keating, who married weather girl Sally Meen just two years after Caron’s death from breast cancer. There is nothing wrong with that. Who would want to deny anyone love and pleasurable companionship?
But why do men who have been badly burned – such as Sir Paul or Cleese – marry again? I hope it’s because of a deep-seated love. After all, how much nicer is it to grow old with another devoted person by your side? However I expect there’s an element of wanting dinner cooked, too ( telegraph.co.uk )
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