My husband used to be romantic - now he hardly notices me

My husband used to be romantic - now he hardly notices me - When I met my husband, he was a great romantic. We always went out on Valentine's night and made love when we came home. Eighteen years and two teenage children later, he can't be bothered to send me a card, even though I always give him a lovely, hand-made one.

Last year, to add insult to injury, he got a mystery Valentine from another woman (I suspect someone from our local pub, where he’s always drinking and flirting).

How can I improve my chances of a nice Valentine's Day? I don't want to make a huge effort, only to be rejected.

Lonely heart: A reader fears her Valentine's gestures will not be reciprocated (posed by model)

Any woman can tell you that Valentine’s Day seems to be ruled by a diminishing law of returns. In the first flush of love, you find yourself whisked away to Venice; 20 years later, you’ll think yourself lucky if you are given a giant Toblerone.

Men, of course, profess that February 14 is just an ad man’s selling tool and they don’t need special dates to profess their heartfelt love — which would be all very well if most of the blighters were truly given to spontaneous gestures, arriving home once a month with flowers or a sonnet.

As things stand, we women need the ad men on our side, reminding husbands that the long, dark, post-Christmas trudge towards spring needs a little passion to lift the soul.

However much some people profess to dislike the enforced romance surrounding Valentine’s Day, I don’t know anyone who doesn’t feel a flutter when they open a card from a ‘mystery admirer’.

Believe me, I feel your pain. Years ago, my husband bought me lingerie and took me to dinner at the top London restaurant The Ivy for Valentine’s night, where we held hands and played footsie under the long, white tablecloths.

Now, with two small children to wreck our romance, we’ll be lucky to open a bottle of red when both boys are finally asleep.

However, you are on the other side of parenthood. When your children hit their teens you should be able to find space and time to rekindle glowing embers. The big question is, does your husband deserve it?

I wouldn’t feel snugly or squishy about a spouse who’s giving the glad-eye to stray women down the pub. Romance is all about honouring your other half and making them the focus of your desires. It’s galling to concentrate your energies on seducing your spouse if he’s not pinpointing his energies on you.

One woman I know found herself in a similar situation to you when her partner of ten years received a Valentine’s card from ‘Some floozy he met at the gym’.

So the next year she resolved to make no Valentine’s effort whatsoever. She even left him a note saying ‘Gone out for dinner with a friend’, neglecting to mention that it was a female friend.

She also left two large and florid Valentine cards addressed to her sitting on the table (both containing faked ardent messages from male colleagues she had enlisted as co-conspirators).

This worked like a magic charm; her partner was in a frenzy of jealousy when she returned home and said: ‘We had better sex than we’d had all year.’

By the next February 14, he didn’t take any chances and booked them into a country hotel.

This strategy works well for women who believe their husbands respond best to firm discipline. A bit like your pet pooch.

However, you sound more forgiving than that, since you’re clear you’d like to seduce your spouse.

I understand your stipulation that you don’t want to be seen to be trying too hard: there’s nothing worse than laying on the table with your semi-naked body covered in sushi, only for your bloke to brush past you as he goes to the fridge in search of a beer.

Nevertheless, if it takes two to tango, in the Valentine’s dance the woman invariably does most of the fancy footwork. Handcrafting a gorgeous card is a wonderfully subtle way to signal your erotic intentions, but most men aren’t that subtle when it comes to sex.

Some textbook Valentine gestures don’t always pay good returns. You could spend hours with a fancy cookbook making an aphrodisiac feast, but there’s no guarantee your beloved won’t feel too bloated for bedroom gymnastics afterwards.

French maids’ costumes tend to terrify the average British bloke, and they’re hardly what most people mean by ‘romance’, so I think it’s best to keep things simple when it comes to seduction.

Pack off your children for a sleepover and dim the lighting. A silk slip or stockings, served up with a bottle of champagne, are traditional and stylish, without overdoing things.

Then add a soundtrack from your courting days. Few things trigger passion as effectively as music that once made you both melt.

If all these tactics fail, leave the husband at home tonight and go clubbing with the girls! ( dailymail.co.uk )